My brain needs to have a break, have a kitkat

If you’re my friend you must be thinking: 'Why she everything also mindybaybeh one'. Bear with me on this as it really helps me find my things on the world wide web. I mean, it's the world wide web after all. I could get lost.

There're always so many things on my mind and as much as I would like to keep a journal to pen my thoughts, keeping everything to myself just sounds boring. 

Honestly, even though the world is already so noisy, a part of me still wants to put my thoughts and values out in the open. Guess a part of me wants to make a difference.

But let's be honest, I'm also a scaredycat pfft. 🐱 Wana voice my opinions (cos there are SO MANY things in this world that I just dont agree with omg. Or get annoyed with.), but am also not a very public person. 😑 So how can I reach a sweet spot? I guess reusing this boomer platform will do.

I like that I won’t know exactly who is (or isn’t) reading my posts and thus won’t affect the way I will write stuff. VERY GOOD. 

Still learning how not to be affected or even unconsciously controlled by what people think. It’s hard but I guess still achievable. 

.

.

.

So I read this Vox article today and I can't believe that I teared up halfway through this documentary-ish article 😩:

Where's the line between sex work & influencing?

Some main points I caught:

1. Porn is a big dark slimy monster. 
2. "Social media forced everyone to learn how to offer themselves up for digital consumption."
3. Sex and our bodies are not longer viewed as valued and sacred. Money is. Pleasure and clout are close to second.
4. We are all lonely. And we don't know how to fix that.
5. Money, money, money.

The article is a very neutral one wth no obvious opinion on the matter, but I obviously have my head and heart on overdrive after reading it.

At first I was shocked by how messed up porn (and I guess us humans) can be. 🤯 And you know, a part of me was ready to discount myself for being inexperienced and naive about the world of porn or sex, but then I realised - "What the heck. What value is there in being well-versed in the messes of porn and the values they are driving." 

Do I expect to be wise and different from the world, by learning from the values of the world? No way. I want to get my wisdom from God. 

Just reading the article about how there's weird content online already shocked me into asking what is considered normal in society. 💆‍♀️ Idk what kind of pain and darkness are associated with these things, but we all know humans could use less agony.

Talking about porn, it really shows itself as some big weird-💩 crazy kinda monster that seeps through cracks into our everyday lives. I have an image of black slime oozing through cracks of house walls for eg, just that porn is that slime and each of us are our own house.

Ok let's get used to being innocent and thus seemingly naive. Even if my house is empty, I don't need no slime in it as company.

Not to say that I don't experience temptations of this kind, I'm human afterall and we're designed to procreate plus who doesn't love the pleasure of sexual intimacy (unless you have a calling for celibacy).

Sigh putting down my overdrive thoughts into words like this is actually harder than it seems.

Why is money such a stronghold that we are removing the values of our bodies and intimacy, in exchange for the currency of this world? 

Have we reached the stage where we view ourselves as machines and our bodies as robots that has no connection whatsoever to the internal state of who we are, which thus makes selling of our bodies easy?

I feel that time and energy are things that we produce, and do not have that intrinsically strong an impact on our internal emotional and mental states when we exchange them for money for survival. But our private bodies, do we really not feel anything when we put ourselves up on display on OnlyFans for money? (SO MANY more thoughts about this omg)

Am I just speaking from a position of privilege where my financial situation isn't dire?

Is there no room for uncompromising perseverance in the face of dire situations, such that we are forced to pounce on any outlets for money or acceptance?

Why do we suddenly feel like we belong to the unpopular crowd when we reject the temporary things of this world, like money and clout?

Why do we feel sorry for speaking out for purity and innocence, in a bid to appear woke and relevant in today's times? 

Can good, strong values of integrity, honour, selflessness, faithfulness and respect still take its place in this world? (I have this question in mind but also a strong YES answer.)

Can I be of any difference by being a part of this world? (I know this too: Yes. But not exactly sure how.)

Ok think my brain has let off enough steam, it's time to take a break. Heart is still sad though.