Condemnations.
I feel so condemned right now. I feel so bad and so guilty that I just got to like, confess or something. Okay I confess, I overslept today and missed school! First time this has ever happened in my entire life man, I have never skipped school due to oversleeping before. Woke up and I was like woah, what do I do now, what do I do now?? :(
Should I just go to school and be late or should I just skip school and give a parents letter? I can't be late, my conduct grade will be affected. I can't give a parent's letter too because my teacher says too many a letter will affect my conduct grade. So what, an MC? Where on earth am I supposed to get an MC when I'm completely fine? :(
So I decided to worry about that later and went to school in the afternoon for my chinese lesson. My chinese teacher is very scary, or at least only I think so, so I can't afford to miss her lessons. Long story. And would you believe it as I was walking to the class I saw my form teacher! Woah good game man. He asked my why he didn't see me in school in the morning and, and...I lied! Oh my gosh condemnation settling in.
I told him I wasn't feeling well and even blurted out that I was giving him an MC tomorrow! I don't even know how I'm going to get one! Wow nice one, using self effort to save my own skin = more trouble for me.
Anyway, I had the longest, most boring, and awkward 2 hours of chinese lessons ever. Left immediately after that on my quest for an MC. And as I entered my family clinic, I, I... I lied again! To the nurses/cashiers who knew me I said I was there to get an MC because I wasn't feeling well. :( They said I had to see the doctor first.
Went into the room and I lied, again. Told the doctor I was having monthly cramps and I needed an MC for today. The doc was some newbie who was charging his iphone while consulting. Anyway I told him I had cramps, he asked me many many questions and I totally lied through my teeth for all! Argh!
Doc: So you say you don't want any medication?
Me: Yeah there's no need.
Doc: And you only need an MC for today?
Me: Er yeah..
Doc: ( Seeing me in uniform) Did you go to school today?
Me: Er yeah I did but for half of the day only, I left because the pain was very bad. ( I cannot believe myself!)
Doc: (looks at my skeptically) Hmm..okay.. Rest well.
Felt like a boulder was on my shoulders as I left the room. Best part: he charged me 18 (18! 18!!) dollars for consultation! He didn't even give me any medication nor advice (except rest well) nor whatever and I'm paying him 18dollars! Gahh I cannot believe this.
Just the other day my mum was telling me how hard it was for her to earn money and was asking me not to spend her hard-earned cash like nobody's business. And here I am today throwing 18 buckaroos down the drain of consultation. Nearly cried while walking home, really felt so condemned cause I've let my mum down. You know, the pain in your heart when like argh, this kind of things happens...
Man it's so weird that how a small thing like this can make one feel so bad. Totally feel as though I'm not worth to be a daughter of God anymore, I'm not worth all the love and blessings that He showers down on me everyday.
And yet, Jesus tells me it's not what I've done that has proven my worth (or worthlessness) , it's because of His love for me that causes me to be worth so much to Him. Wow, I'm just a girl on earth and I'm worth so much to God.
Oh man how can this be, Jesus you are really so awesome. I am so undeserving but yet You rain Your grace on me, and Your grace will bring me to a higher level too so I will never do this ever again. Amazing Grace, truly. I'll never throw away this identity I have in You Jesus, I'll always choose to be a beloved daughter of God.
I can sing in the troubled times,
Sing when I win.
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again.
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there,
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer.
It always gets better when I bring Jesus into the situation. :) Every time the devil throws lemons at me, God will turn them into lemonade for me. Haha! Oh btw I just found out that esplanade is pronounced as es-pla-naid but promenade station is pronounced as pro-me-nahd. Funny! So how do you pronounce lemonade?
p.s. No more condemnations, because Jesus is here. He will restore everything for me. :)
I feel so condemned right now. I feel so bad and so guilty that I just got to like, confess or something. Okay I confess, I overslept today and missed school! First time this has ever happened in my entire life man, I have never skipped school due to oversleeping before. Woke up and I was like woah, what do I do now, what do I do now?? :(
Should I just go to school and be late or should I just skip school and give a parents letter? I can't be late, my conduct grade will be affected. I can't give a parent's letter too because my teacher says too many a letter will affect my conduct grade. So what, an MC? Where on earth am I supposed to get an MC when I'm completely fine? :(
So I decided to worry about that later and went to school in the afternoon for my chinese lesson. My chinese teacher is very scary, or at least only I think so, so I can't afford to miss her lessons. Long story. And would you believe it as I was walking to the class I saw my form teacher! Woah good game man. He asked my why he didn't see me in school in the morning and, and...I lied! Oh my gosh condemnation settling in.
I told him I wasn't feeling well and even blurted out that I was giving him an MC tomorrow! I don't even know how I'm going to get one! Wow nice one, using self effort to save my own skin = more trouble for me.
Anyway, I had the longest, most boring, and awkward 2 hours of chinese lessons ever. Left immediately after that on my quest for an MC. And as I entered my family clinic, I, I... I lied again! To the nurses/cashiers who knew me I said I was there to get an MC because I wasn't feeling well. :( They said I had to see the doctor first.
Went into the room and I lied, again. Told the doctor I was having monthly cramps and I needed an MC for today. The doc was some newbie who was charging his iphone while consulting. Anyway I told him I had cramps, he asked me many many questions and I totally lied through my teeth for all! Argh!
Doc: So you say you don't want any medication?
Me: Yeah there's no need.
Doc: And you only need an MC for today?
Me: Er yeah..
Doc: ( Seeing me in uniform) Did you go to school today?
Me: Er yeah I did but for half of the day only, I left because the pain was very bad. ( I cannot believe myself!)
Doc: (looks at my skeptically) Hmm..okay.. Rest well.
Felt like a boulder was on my shoulders as I left the room. Best part: he charged me 18 (18! 18!!) dollars for consultation! He didn't even give me any medication nor advice (except rest well) nor whatever and I'm paying him 18dollars! Gahh I cannot believe this.
Just the other day my mum was telling me how hard it was for her to earn money and was asking me not to spend her hard-earned cash like nobody's business. And here I am today throwing 18 buckaroos down the drain of consultation. Nearly cried while walking home, really felt so condemned cause I've let my mum down. You know, the pain in your heart when like argh, this kind of things happens...
Man it's so weird that how a small thing like this can make one feel so bad. Totally feel as though I'm not worth to be a daughter of God anymore, I'm not worth all the love and blessings that He showers down on me everyday.
And yet, Jesus tells me it's not what I've done that has proven my worth (or worthlessness) , it's because of His love for me that causes me to be worth so much to Him. Wow, I'm just a girl on earth and I'm worth so much to God.
Oh man how can this be, Jesus you are really so awesome. I am so undeserving but yet You rain Your grace on me, and Your grace will bring me to a higher level too so I will never do this ever again. Amazing Grace, truly. I'll never throw away this identity I have in You Jesus, I'll always choose to be a beloved daughter of God.
I can sing in the troubled times,
Sing when I win.
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again.
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there,
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer.
It always gets better when I bring Jesus into the situation. :) Every time the devil throws lemons at me, God will turn them into lemonade for me. Haha! Oh btw I just found out that esplanade is pronounced as es-pla-naid but promenade station is pronounced as pro-me-nahd. Funny! So how do you pronounce lemonade?
p.s. No more condemnations, because Jesus is here. He will restore everything for me. :)
Comments